
The first chapter of Aria's stunning memoir is reproduced below: Click here to download the complete book, as a PDF, for free.
The only unique thing about my childhood is that I remember it. Our society has normalized childhood-amnesia because the horror of accepting the trauma that causes this amnesia is too great for most adults to bear. Many other children were hurt in the same ways that I was, but as adults they have ‘forgotten’ these experiences.
Unfortunately, deep-trauma is never really forgotten by the body, unless consciously healed. For this reason, many adults now live with the enduring-symptoms of childhood-abuse: depression; pervasive anxiety, fear; and subservience to violent ‘authority’. The cause of these symptoms is largely hidden from us, because our society relies on childhood-amnesia to perpetuate its horrors on generation after generation.
Elsewhere, I have spoken-out about what happened to me as a child. Millions of people have listened to my recorded- testimonies and voiced their support for my work. I witnessed the torture, rape, and murder of children at the behest of the British Monarchy. My abusers included famous politicians and so-called 'celebrities' from the music and fashion Industry. I was also abused by my family, who were members of an elaborate pedophile-cult called the Freemasons.
In this memoir, I hope to give a personal account of what it felt like, as a child, to live through such relentless and intense evil; without upsetting the reader. For this reason, I have not included details regarding specific rituals, except in the appendix at the very end of this book. You do not have to read this section.
To a stranger, looking in from the outside, parts of my visible life may have looked unremarkable: I grew up in a leafy suburb of London, went to an all-girls school, and later to university. Superficially, I was part of a family. I went on holidays to France, I watched TV, I went shopping. In short, I did many of the things our culture deems to be ‘normal.’
Behind the scenes, however, my family were part of a hideous pedophile-cult, called the Freemasons. This cult believed that it could manipulate human societies by encouraging child-abuse in secretive rituals and then blackmailing adult-participants. These participants were then placed throughout society in positions of ‘power’ as puppets.
Let me assure you again that, from the outside, my life looked very ordinary. This appearance of being ‘ordinary’ is a vital disguise worn by children who are victims of these Freemasonic cults. The Freemasons, and other pedophile-rings, have learned to conceal their evil adeptly. This contrasts with the mainstream media’s depiction of cults as wildly-esoteric and fringe to our societies
My mother and father were experts in disguising their behavior. After all, they had a lifetime of experience in deception: Both of them were born into Freemason-cult families. So, from childhood to adulthood, my parents had learned to hide the abuse of children from public scrutiny.
Another reason for embarking on this written journey into the past is to heal from the double-trauma of, first, being abused, and secondly losing my entire network of ‘friends’ and ‘family’, due to speaking out about that abuse. This is the enduring tragedy of escaping a Freemason-pedophile cult. You lose your family once as a child, and then you lose the tattered- remnants of them again as you process the trauma and speak out.
Sadly, it is not just your family that may be lost if you speak out about abuse, but also a whole host of other alleged ‘friends’ that form part of the network of silence. I discovered, so often, that my friendships had relied on an unspoken-agreement: That we never truthfully discussed childhood.
I hope to encourage survivors of the Freemasons and other pedophile-cults to embark on a healing journey, even if it is the difficult option. There is nothing more valuable than regaining your freedom.
I have written my memoir in ‘American’ rather than ‘English’. You will find American expressions and spelling throughout this memoir. This is to give this book the widest possible audience. In many ways, I spoke differently at the time of my upbringing in London. Now, I do not consider myself to be British; I even have an American-accent now.
The names of almost everyone in the memoir have been changed. Firstly, in the interest of protecting those innocent- children, now adults, who helped me escape the Freemason- pedophiles. Secondly, however, I have also changed the names of some perpetrators in order to discourage vigilante attacks on them. Extensive reports have already been filed with the police.
Memories carousel through my mind as my heart gives
way to the enormity of what it meant, as a child, to make a
genuine friend. The loss of some friends who died in the cult, as
children, was a great pain to bear. But the greater loss to me was
those childhood-friends whose souls were crushed, and who later
became Freemason-pedophiles. These ‘friends’ committed the
ultimate betrayal: To join, as adults, the very cult that had abused
us as children; to surrender to depravity and evil, rather than to
fight it.
In this book, I have included only two photographs of me as a child to give some indication of my innocence and vitality back then. I acknowledge what an incomplete picture my childhood photographs show. Most were staged by my family, to document a largely fictitious version of my childhood. This is not uncommon.
In the story of my childhood, curated through the photographs I have, I often appear ‘happy’ or at least not deeply- distressed. This was far from the reality of that time. I hope that the reader can see all childhood photographs as the selectively chosen moments that they are. All is not as it seems on the surface: pain lies buried behind many images. Perhaps you have similar photographs in your albums that deserve revisiting.
I am sometimes besieged by feelings of grief for the now- irretrievable photographs that I lost when escaping the Freemason-cult-world I grew up in. Yet, a deeper part of me suspects that I lost these photographs on purpose. I could not stand to witness how these images betrayed me. These photographs depicted a childhood I never had, only the illusion of it.
After using some childhood photographs to process my feelings, as I healed, I felt like I should burn all the remaining photos into ash and smoke. I was furious. Where was I as a child? Not there in those ghostly grins and staged-poses. However, I kept the few remaining photographs I had.
Those missing-photographs belong to a bundle of losses, most of which are far less tangible: A cluster of broken relationships, and a connection cut with my native city, London. These losses were difficult to bear, but my freedom was paramount.
To readers who are exiting an abusive family-cult, or Freemason-pedophile ring: Do not feel alone in your process. It is typically not just the abusers that fade from your life, but a whole network of friends and family that clustered around the concealment of abuse. Letting them all go is the way free, though it is a perilous path.
While writing this memoir, I reminded myself that my story will never be perfect. But, through writing, I can continue to heal my wounds, becoming whole. I can see beauty in the imperfections of this memoir. I take solace in a concept that the Japanese call wabi-sabi: A beauty in things that are worn and lovingly restored. The cracks in my personal story are mended with the gold that is healing.
If you would like to continue reading my memoir, it is available as a free PDF book which you can download.
Click here to continue reading Aria's complete memoir as a PDF, for free.
Below is a transcript of an episode from the Phoenix & Aria Speaking Out podcast. If you would prefer to listen to the original audio-recording on which this transcript is based, you can download a zip file containing the original MP3 audio recording. The transcript below is substantially edited for legibility, and to add new information.
ARIA: I remember lots of strange abuse happening at these strange gatherings, which were almost like parties for the Freemason pedophile rings.
PHOENIX: How old were you?
ARIA: I was below the age of 12.
PHOENIX: As a child, I also experienced ritual abuse. This type of abuse sounds implausible because it was designed by the abusers to sound implausible. In my experience, these abusers specifically choose to do things that are unbelievable so that the children they do it to are not believed. Do you have other memories of experiences at this Masonic Lodge in Surbiton?
ARIA: Yes, I was hanging by one leg which was lowered into the water of a children's paddling pool, and then and my head was smashed against the floor. It caused me a lot of confusion.
PHOENIX: You and I met a few years ago, and through this friendship we've discussed the abuse that we experienced both in our family homes, and also by groups in the UK. What I find most interesting and disturbing about the spinning-torture you experienced is that it's a known practise by these groups because it disorientates and confuses a child.
Then, to combine this torture with near-drowning which is another well-known ritual abuse technique. Again, some people might think that this sounds wild; that this ritual-abuse concept sounds ridiculous; that they don't believe in that.
Consider, then, that the US government used the same method of torture; they called it waterboarding. What is most shocking and disturbing about that particular memory for you is that almost exactly the same thing was done to me by a different group in England in an entirely different location.
I find that very very upsetting because it demonstrates that these torture-practices are both widespread and formulaic. These specific processes have been intentionally designed to traumatize and compartmentalize the minds of children. These children are subjected to carefully-planned torture.
Later, these children are unable to recall the programming they were subjected-to under torture. This is because psyche of the child that was subjected to this torture is split. These abusive-groups often us spinning, and combinine it with near-drowning to intensify the trauma.
ARIA: Other things happened with this Masonic group at another location; this time a swimming pool. I was taken there one evening with other children. There, another drowning exercise was performed on me. I was tied up; they threw me into the pool; and my dad 'saved me'. I now know this was to induce in me the feeling that he was my 'rescuer'; that he was a trusted person. In reality, however, he was the one perpetrating the abuse.
PHOENIX: Yes, again this is a known abuse technique. If listeners are curious about researching these ritual abuse techniques you'll find there are a wide-selection of different things that abusers do to condition responses. Typically these abuser want to induce a fear-response in the children they hurt. The abusers also want to engineer a dependency.
One of the ways in which a dependency is engineered is when abusers subject a child to extreme torture and then 'save' them from that torture later. Here, the abusers create, in the child's mind, what is called a "double bind" by psychologists. A double-bind is an irreconcilable, opposing, perspectives that collide with each other and cause great psychological harm; in this case to the child's understanding of a consistent, reliable reality.
When a person who is torturing a child appears save that child from that same torture, they become both perpetrator and 'hero'. The child feels a strange and deep allegiance to that abuser because they have, apparently, saved the child. However, this is a hugely contradictory experience for the child. The 'hero', in this instance, was also the one who put the child in the position where they were almost killed. In these cases, a traumatic-bond is created.
This is known more broadly as 'Stockholm Syndrome' where, essentially, a victim starts sympathizing with their captors or their abusers.
Torture followed by relief is a well-trodden method of manipulating people. We can also consider the ways in which governments sustain themselves by the same technique: causing great trauma to citizens and then offering to rescue those same citizens. Again, this might sound like new information to many listeners. I would suggest that's because many powerful individuals wish you to remain ignorant of what is done.
ARIA: On the theme of drowning: One evening a group of other men took me to the River Thames in Richmond, along the riverbank, and just dropped me in the water. I don't think they had any intention of wanting me to survive that. I just remember sinking down to the bottom of the water going into quite a timeless state. Being down there, it felt like an eternity and the concept of time gets very distorted.
I just remember, at one point, feeling like I had a choice whether I wanted to stay alive; or whether I wanted to die. But, it seemed very peaceful on the edge of the other side. Everything seemed much more peaceful than this existence here on Earth. During this kind of near-death experience, I think you may find strength that you don't normally have. I managed to get rid of the rope on my foot and swim back to the surface. It was a big shock for the men in this cult and they were shouting at my father
I think these Freemasonic cult members thought that I was going to die, and they would just get rid of me. But, they hadn't got rid of me and I came back to the surface; and there was my dad; and then he just threw me back into the water; and then raped me in the water; so that now I just have a horrible memory of being abused again in the water.
PHOENIX: Did you feel like, at the time, there was anyone you could talk to about what was happening?
ARIA: No
PHOENIX: Did you feel like you could go to the police?
ARIA: No
PHOENIX: Why was that?
ARIA: Because I was abused by a police officer. Yeah, again, because if I told anyone...
PHOENIX: Because people don't want to believe that the British police are so corrupt. People don't want to acknowledge that children can be abused people in such extreme ways. I have to refer listeners to the most obvious example of this, and that's the Holocaust.
I'm sure some listeners here probably think this sounds way too extreme, this doesn't sound like what humans are capable of. I would suggest that anyone who thinks or feels that spends maybe an hour or two looking at photographs of what happened in the Holocaust, and reading accounts of survivors of the Holocaust. Or taking a look at how the British Monarchy caused the deaths of over 30 million people in India during their invasion. Or numerous other horror that have been perpetrated by the British establishment.
So, Aria, you were raped by a police-officer, and you've told me before that this was after an experience of being prostituted as a child. This took place above a shop in Richmond.
ARIA: I was taken there when I was a child by my father, of course, and prostituted. There were loads of little girls and boys being undressed. They put dog-chains around their necks and led the children into small, disgusting rooms where people, sick people, would come and pay.
PHOENIX: This was one floor above the Russell and Bromley shoe shop in Richmond. Your observation was that a group there was prostituting children, and that adults were entering the space and paying to abuse children in rooms. Did you sense the abuse was ongoing in this place?
ARIA: It felt like my father took me there to make money from me. There were other parents who would just take their children there to make money.
PHOENIX: It's not really your responsibility to answer this question but I wonder if you had any feelings about why it was that parent's would be doing that to their children?
ARIA: I feel like they're sick, and they have no empathy and they're just completely focused on money and power.
I think a deeper reason is that these sick-adults had probably been through the same abuse when they were children. I feel that these adults were so badly abused as children that they have no recollection of what it felt like to be abused like that. So these adults are just repeating this abuse on to the next generation. I think these abusers have completely detached themselves from the feelings of being a small child, and completely-identified with being an abuser.
PHOENIX: After you had the experience of being prostituted with other children in the space above the shoe shop in Richmond what happened?
ARIA: My father took me and another little boy, who was also being prostituted, down back steps; down an alleyway; and took us to the police station. Basically, my father pretended that the little boy was lost. It all seemed like some big club with some network that they were all part of.
My father seemed very friendly and familiar with the police officer, and then the police officer took both me and the little boy and abused us. They made the little boy abuse me through his hands.
PHOENIX: You were prostituted. Your father then took you to a police station where you were then abused by a police officer. You father seemed to have some foreknowledge of the police station. Your father and the police officer seemed to be part of the same group.
I advise listeners to do their own research into this: There was a survey made of the British police force and the survey asked the question: "Are you a member of the Freemasons?" Two-thirds of those British police officers refused to answer the question. That's some indication of how many of these abusers there are.
ARIA: There's definitely a network of these abusive groups. I was also abused at a Freemasons Lodge in Brighton, and I also have other memories about other institutions like a bed-and-breakfast, and a fish and chip shop, where there was also abuse happening.
I feel like there are internet-groups and places where people involved in child abuse are able to seek out locations in different towns to be able to abuse children.
PHOENIX: You felt, based on your experiences of being abused at these different locations, that there was a network?
ARIA: There is an organized group. There are just so many different locations. There was an understanding between my father, and the people working at these locations, that they were places where Freemasons could openly abuse children. I feel like there must have been some communication there.
Also, there were three different locations that were Masonic temples and Masonic lodges. There was the one in Surbiton; there was the one in Brighton; and there was the 'Grand' lodge in London; in the centre of London, where I had another memory which was very extreme.
PHOENIX: Would you be okay describing what happens in that lodge in London?
ARIA: In central London, the most central Lodge, the biggest one, there was a ceremony happening there. It was mainly boys, little boys, and me, and the Freemasons were all wearing their long, stupid costumes. There was a ceremony in which they drank blood. There was a sacrificial animal on an altar at the front.
PHOENIX: I just want to add at this point to listeners who are again potentially thinking this sounds outlandish. As one example, some groups believe in something called transubstantiation. That is where the wine that is drunk during their religious ceremony trans substantiates or metamorphoses into literally the blood of Christ, and these ceremonies often have their origins in older ceremonies which involved literal-sacrifice where those who are participating in the ceremonies actually drunk blood.
So, shocking though it may be to acknowledge that this happens, it is not without precedent. Such primative rituals it sit within the lineage of bizarre religious-practice throughout time. It may sound shocking, it may be difficult to accept this has happened but it also resonates with my own experiences of what these people can do.
Freemasons specifically concoct these rituals so that they are repellent; so that they are confusing; so they do go against the grain of social convention. This is done specifically so that those who survive them sound incredible when speaking out. This is the reason, or one of the reasons, why these ceremonies are designed in this way.
They're designed to sound unbelievable so that when someone exposes them, that person is not believed.
ARIA: The worst thing about the ceremony was that there was a sacrifice that happened. They wanted all the children to come up and put a knife in this poor little boy's heart, and kill him. I just remember being in this line and then as soon as I got to the altar I just ran away and I hid under a bench shaking; and I just kept hiding and protesting; and they'd try to drag me back. Then I'd kick and scream, and I wouldn't participate. I refused to. Because he had done nothing wrong.
I'm glad he could go to a safer place.
PHOENIX: That little boy probably feels that you are very strong speaking out about what you saw happening to him. Most people never speak out about what they've seen, so thank you.
Why do you feel that the Freemasons made all the children stab this boy?
ARIA: I think that they wanted to really confuse children, and I still feel this confusion now a lot of the time. The Freemasons want to make children feel guilty; they want to make the victims feel like they are the ones perpetrating the abuse.
Freemasons want to put all the guilt onto you, as a child, so that you feel scared to ever speak out. It's hard enough going through the abuse the Freemasons subject you to. On top of that, the Freemasons can suddenly force you to participate in something that you absolutely would never want to do.
The Freemasons make children feel responsible, and the children in these 'ceremonies' feel like: "Oh my goodness, I'm turning into an abuser." Children feel like: "I would never want to do this, but I've done something that I would never want to do." This creates a lot of doubt, and prevents these children from speaking out. The Freemasons want to make you feel like you're becoming an abuser.
PHOENIX: That's been my understanding of it as well. It's called forced-participation. It's essentially where an abusive group forces those they're abusing to participate in the abuse, often as children. This type of ritualistic cult-practice often involves sacrifice in different forms. We can see how, during war, child soldiers are abducted by militarized groups and traumatized into becoming perpetrators of violence.
These children are trained to kill. This is a more open form of ritual-abuse. The child-soldier is disconnected from their emotions, and their humanity. Some of them grown into monsters who participate in the murder of other humans. We see it also on a larger scale; on an international scale; where large, abusive organizations that call themselves 'governments' force individuals to participate in wars. We see soldiers coming back with post-traumatic-stress-disorder (PTSD). These are various conditions which are related to the fact that the soldier has essentially been coerced into killing for rich, abusive people.
I see this abuse dynamic is quite fractal. It makes sense to me: If you have a large abusive organization running a nation (called a 'government') coercing soldiers to attack others, in other nations, then those soldiers suffer the consequences.
Soldiers suffer the consequences of breaking the essential laws of human decency. Soldiers bear the emotional burden of having perpetrated violence at the behest of gangs of organized-psychopaths (known as 'governments'). That this causes PTSD makes a lot of sense to me, I also had experiences, similar to you, to the point at which I was forced to participate, as you were as a child, in the murder of another child.
This might, again, sound very very difficult to hear. It probably goes against everything that some listeners believe about the structure of the world. When I was being abused, and that sounds like it was the same for you, there were many other children being abused.
ARIA: There were many other children. Many other children lost their lives. I don't know how many. Also, on the same day during this ceremony, Freemasons would pair off with the little boys and me, and go to different rooms, behind the main altar in the back building, and be raped and abused.
My uncle who was also there, he was the one who took me into a room and raped me. That was pretty normal.
PHOENIX: So, your uncle was a member of the Freemasons as well.
ARIA: Yes
PHOENIX: And he had been abusing you outside of the Masonic Lodge at other times.
ARIA: Yes
PHOENIX: So both your father and your uncle were members of the Freemasons; and they would supply you to other members of the Freemasons; who would abuse you and force you to participation in rituals which included the murder of a child. I would like to say that, again, this is something that's not unusual in these ritual groups. They use these methods specifically to confuse, disorientate and split children.
ARIA: I remember, on another occasion, being in a graveyard. I had made friends with a little cat that lived in the graveyard. It was a little cat; and it was black; and I loved the little cat; we were friends. The cat was kept in cages all the time. At one point, my father forced my hand to kill this cat. Of course, it's not something that I would ever want to do. I loved the cat. But, I mean, my father stood behind me and forced my hand, to kill her, so he killed her through me.
PHOENIX: I'm sure she is also very glad that you're speaking out about what happened to her. This is another known ritual-abuse technique. The abusers will encourage a child to befriend an animal, or another child, and then they will force that child to kill the animal, or child. This is done specifically because it breaks a very deep bond, and is deeply distressing. It was done to me, so I know the experience, and I know the technique very well.
It's not done offhand. It's not been invented on the spot. These Freemasons and other pedophile-rings will create a situation where a child befriends and deeply-loves a being; whether that's a cat, or another child. The Freemasonic-pedophiles then to force that child to kill that other being. This creates such a deep wound, and such a deep conflict in the child.
The sense of guilt and confusion is overwhelming because the child feels responsible, and the child is told that they're responsible. When I was subjected to this trauma, it felt very organized. It didn't feel like this was a random-group of people casually acting out some weird abuse they weren't fully conscious of having experienced themselves.
It felt like it was designed. It felt like it was well organized and designed. Your experiences seemed to echo that.
It's interesting to hear how many of your experiences involved the Freemasons, and these Masonic groups. It's also interesting to note that, immediately after being abused on one occasion, you were taken to a police station and you were abused by a police officer. Is there anything that you would say to other survivors who might be listening, who feel like it's difficult if not impossible to speak out?
ARIA: I'm realizing myself that law enforcement, and I think any form of power in most countries, is so corrupt that I don't trust these organizations.
I feel like it's so worthwhile to remember, and to speak out, because there is a higher form of justice. We should speak out for the sake of those children that lost their lives; and for the sake of good. Goodness is something that you can feel in your heart.
The feelings that they create in you by making you commit acts like murder are difficult to navigate. You feel bad, and you feel guilty. You feel that you are responsible. But when you actually listen to your heart; that's your true-self. You know that you would never do something like that. I think it's just important to trust that inner-voice because that's your true nature.
PHOENIX:I would say to those survivors, like me and you, that it is okay to speak out. That many of us are speaking out. Maybe don't hear our voices as much, or as loudly, because a lot of the ways in which we might reach you (through television or radio or newspapers) are owned by very rich organizations who have a vested interest in this information not reaching you.
But, don't be confused: There are many of us out here, and there are many of us speaking out. If you want to speak out, then do. There's enough of us doing it now for there to be strength in numbers at this point.
I'd like to say thank you to our listeners, if you've made it this far, then you've been very brave because this is a very difficult topic to hear about. Most people do not want to know how power and authority retains its power and authority. Most people do not want to know what happens to children, because many people have had the same experiences, or similar experiences. Wounded citizens do not want to reflect, or remember, that because it's extremely painful.
It's also extremely difficult to remember and process the past. Our society does not support the remembering process. Our society supports the forgetting process. I want to thank you, Aria, for everything you have spoken about today, and for your strength, and for your courage.